I am jumping right into this post this morning. I'm not going to edit these, so prepare for the crazy train of thought that is my mind.
I'll do 30 miracle morning posts starting today, as a prayer for a special intention and for reparation to the Sacred Heart of Christ. I share my prayers, and work, and self-development here, not to boast or to seek approval, but solely to inspire and lay down an example that I know could help someone. It also helps me to stay committed to the Lord from day to day knowing I have created this expectation in others and bound myself by the creative power of what I have told you I will do.
Here is a reminder of what S.A.V.E.R.S. means. Silence. Affirmation. Visualization. Exercise. Reading. Scribing. Every single morning from at least 3-6am before the work day begins.
The silence is the hardest part for me. I can shut out the noise of electronics and embrace the quiet of morning easily enough, but shutting off the dialogue in my head is beyond difficult. In the past, when I achieved a state of interior silence in prayer, I took it to be all grace and no effort, until recently. I listened to a fantastic lecture series on the Science of Mindfulness, in which I learned some very helpful techniques for cultivating this state. It does seem to hold that effort is not the way to go about it. Its almost as if the more I try the more agitated and frustrated my thoughts become. Ok, so here's the cliche: stop trying and just observe. Observing my own thoughts is nothing new to me, but observing without judgment or intention is the key. It releases control. The judgment is in order to categorize and synthesize, the intention is geared toward action and response. No need to understand. No need to act. Just be child.
Then I start to cry. I am with the presence of God and I lament my inability stay there. Again, judging myself. It truly is grace and never mere technique. The technique just disposes me to receive the gift. Its a paradox though. A constant letting go. Even in the midst of racing thoughts and physical activity during my days I try to do this. But the repetition can be humiliating. So what, right? Be humiliated then. Yes. Let go of the letting go. Just be child.