miracle morning 5

Life is all duty and little heart for me these past six months. God gives me a day or two a week maybe where I can feel the confidence of things hoped for, but mostly its a constant battle just to keep the inner ugliness at bay. Its clinical depression, at least in part. Waking up to a sensation like being punched in the stomach. I don't like talking about it. I loathe myself for wanting sympathy. I only write about it because I can't seem to get beyond it yet today, so its all I have. Can I give glory to God in it? Yes. I do. I suffer for the healing of myself, my family, my friends. That we may be saved from this sinful world. Our Lady holds me in her arms, though I cannot feel them. I forget too quickly. Humility. I deserve nothing. My desires for this world do not matter. My duties are a gift, so that I am not idle, and my prayers, however dry, are efficacious by law. Do I take pride in my suffering? Perhaps. But I repent. Whatever God wills, be it life or be it death. May I follow Him. I feel a constant oppressive anxiety to do something, but I don't know what it is. It may just be my will to escape, so I must trust and wait. I love Him and I love you. May He bless you with abundant bread today.