Thank you for your prayers, friends.
We wanted to thank you and share, the Holy Spirit and I.
I wanted to be a monk. I mean, ever since my conversion, back fifteen years now, I have been so in love with the Lord, Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. We remember the joy and the light. Such beauty, such depth, just beyond the veil, only a thin little space separating us from all of heaven. At any moment, there, present to us. Truly. Of course I wanted to give myself completely to Him. To Him. We did everything together. I relearned literally everything about the world, and people, and myself. When my reason came to me in adolescence, I wiped away the mystical child I had been, in favor of some mechanical beast that made more sense to me somehow. So I was very literally reborn and really couldn't even relate to the old mind. Such is the utter transcendence of Faith in Jesus Christ, it's living in the same space but in a totally different dimension. That's what its like trying to talk to unbelievers, like trying to speak across dimensions.
But the world does weigh on us. Because we love them. This is how God suffers. The impassible became passionate for us. Not to save us like some lifeguard to a drowning man. No, like a husband saving his wife from the grip of a dragon. I am His wife. That's what we remember today. I am His woman.
I joked with some friends recently that I was now a member of the LGBTQ+ community because I feel a strong affinity with ‘two-spirited’ people. Two-spirited is an indigenous-American term for someone who supposedly has both a masculine and a feminine spirit. Like the whole shaman phenomenon. But I'm talking about something different and better. I'm talking about how we are all Mary to the Lord. Not the same person. But the same impregnating power of God comes over us and invites us into the amazing mission of love. He leads it all, He is the provider, protector, teacher, and spouse of our spirits. The Lord took me like a lover, knowing me, he gave it all at once, opened my spirit, explained to my intellect, lifted my emotions, and healed my senses.
We have been on a long journey since that wedding day. Many lessons had to be lived. Many times I had to go back to Him, and apologize for abandoning our love. 'Do whatever He tells you'. Seems simple enough, until I realized there's a cacophony of other voices about to tell me different things. The shear number of times they speak the contrary of the Lord's command, it's the scourging at the pillar. But again, my lover took that on for me, and won the fight already and all tomorrow's fights as well. My participation in the marriage, my work is as a helper to Him, a consoler to His heart because I feel with Him. I stay with Him even when I have feel the pain too. For as long as I can bear it anyway. Before I run away again, before I start to sink into unfaithfulness. Faithfulness is not easy. But it is the saint making magic of life.
Stay with Me. Here I am Lord. I come to do Your Will. Not as a slave. Not as an addict. As a good and holy wife. I'm ok with it being uncomfortable to the world to think this way. We know we speak from another dimension. It's a higher analogy than some can appreciate. We are working on that.
SO HERE'S THE LESSON FOR TOMORROW
I took a few unexpected blows a couple weekends ago, and I've been badgered by the voices since. But I fell because I was trying too hard to be the man in the relationship. I'm just here to be with Him and to help however I can in His mission, His work, His life. I don't need or desire to be seen as a great man, an accomplished man, a wealthy man, a strong man, or whatever other masculine caricature I've been brain-washed into hanging my worth upon. We just need to make our time into a prayer, like a monk. Very concretely though. I will do this exact project for this exact amount of time. I will say these exact prayers at these exact times. I'm not going to choke the artist in me because I'm always inspired, inspiration flows from my Lover like a stream of living water that follows me. Because my roots reach into His dimension even as my body traverses this one. When I reach in to drink, the enemies cannot touch me. We remain free, even through death. Tomorrow it will come again.
We imitate the humility and meekness of Our Lady. Perfect meekness is a strong freedom under a total governance of the Spirit. Meekness is the childlikeness wherein power has come to maturity through the organization of love in Logos. The monastic plan for tomorrow harnesses our power into spousal service.
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